EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
