miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Randomize
