i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize