U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
