I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
