The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
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