My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
In other news, I just burned my penis
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
