I hate all girls vehemently.
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
