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does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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