Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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