how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Randomize