I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
