Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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