yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
