If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
false alarm, still single
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
