matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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