bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
