you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
