That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
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