the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
