The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
