people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Randomize
