Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
