there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
