i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
