Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Randomize
