I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
