I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
