think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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