Porn is love you can see.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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