so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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