Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Randomize
