Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I can't turn off my feet"
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Randomize
