That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Randomize
