she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
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