forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
You smell like stripper and shame
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
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