it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Randomize
