she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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