If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
