She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
