Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Pants 0. Shit 1.
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
