I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
