There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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