i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
