If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Randomize
