I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
