If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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