And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
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