she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Randomize
