He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
