You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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