Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
