Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
