There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
