No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Randomize
