For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I just gargled with NyQuil
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
