Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
