matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
