Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Randomize
