i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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