I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
