you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
sick fucks of a feather flock together
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
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