I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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