Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize