Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
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