I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
