Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
