Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
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