I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Everclear isn't food dammit
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
