I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Randomize
