you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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