woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
