he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
you didnt know i had herpes?
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
