My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Randomize