My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
