You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Your topless pictures make me question reality
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
