I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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