I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
