like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Randomize
