He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
