Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
