If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Randomize
