Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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