Nicole vs. Life
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
