the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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