I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
They should really pass out barf bags in church
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
You need a sexual gate keeper
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
