Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
