It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
As shirtless as possible
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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