He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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