That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Randomize
