Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
