apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize