she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Randomize
