Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
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