plz talk dirty to me
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
