I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Houston, we have a blender
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Randomize
