guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Randomize
