My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
