I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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