i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
