all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Randomize
