Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
