Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
