The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
