the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Randomize
